Lemmiwinks
Lemmiwinks is a fictional gerbil introduced in the South Park television series, who becomes a victim of gerbilling. His story is told in three parts.
Prologue
Mr. Garrison is demonstrating evaporation by heating water in a bunsen burner. According to him this is an example of an exothermic reaction (although it is really neither). Next, he demonstrates an endothermic reaction by placing a glass tube in Mr. Slave's rectum, using the heat to act as a natural conductor of energy. Butters, a student, is asked to bring a caged gerbil named Lemmiwinks to Mr. Garrison, who demonstrates the reaction of the Gerbil to the heat found in Mr. Slave's rectum. Lemmiwinks travels a short distance before finding a deceased rodent, and scurries back to the exit, only to find it tightly sealed off. It is here that Lemmiwinks's journey begins.
Part I
Lemmiwinks encounters the spirit of the Frog King, who says to the Gerbil, "Lemmiwinks, you must find your way out of this place or you will surely die. This way has been closed up by the great sphincter. To escape you must journey upward to the dark reaches of the intestine and pass the stomach". Lemmiwinks looks at the Frog King curiously. "Who am I?" the Frog King answers, "Just a friend. Heed my words, Lemmiwinks. Your time is running out. Make for the large intestine; all will be made clear then." Lemmiwinks turns to the dark tunnel. His theme plays: - A great adventure is waiting for you ahead
:Hurry onward Lemmiwinks, or you will soon be dead
:The journey before you may be long and filled with woe
:But you must escape the gay man's ass so your tale can be told
:Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks - Lemmiwinks journeyed a distance far and fast
:To find his way out of a gay man's ass
:The road ahead is filled with danger and right
:But push onwards Lemmiwinks with all of your might
The Frog King appears again to instruct the Gerbil. "Lemmiwinks, you are approaching the small intestine. There you must seek out the Sparrow Prince" - The Sparrow Prince lies somewhere way up ahead
:Don't look back Lemmiwinks or you'll soon be dead
:Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks the time is growing late
:Slow down now and seal your fate
The spirit of the Sparrow Prince appears. "I am the Sparrow Prince. Long has my spirit been trapped within this place. Before you lies the maze of the small intestine. One path leads to the stomach; the other, to certain doom. Take with you this helmet and torch; Let them be your guide. - Take the magic helmet torch to help you light the way
:There's still a lot of ground to cross inside the man so gay
:Ahead of you lies adventure, and your strength still lies within
:Freedom from the ass of doom is the treasure you will win
Part II
A Pepto-Bismol pill falls from the esophagus and splashes into a murky pool of stomach fluid. Lemmiwinks emerges and lets out a series of squeeks, swimming to the center of the stomach. - Lemmiwinks came to the stomach tower
: 'neath the dance of the lungs and heart
The spirit of a strange fish appears. He speaks, "You chose your path wisely, Lemmiwinks. I am the Catata Fish" - Catata Fish of the stomach's cove
"If you answer this riddle, the esophagus will let you pass." - Catata Fish's riddle will soon be told.
Part III
Lemmiwinks solves the riddle of the Catata Fish, and is instructed by the Frog King to find the exit. He emerges from the esophagus and into daylight. - Lemmiwinks has made it out the tale is nearly through...
- Catata fish: Great job Lemmiwinks
:Sparrow Prince: Thanks to you we are all free.
:Frog King: But your adventures are just beginning. For you are no ordinary Gerbil, Lemmiwinks. You are the Gerbil King.
The Frog King removes the magic candle helmet and replaces it with a gold crown adorned with rubies. All: All hail the gerbil king. - Now that you're the Gerbil King there's more adventures to go on
:Fly away to faraway lands into the setting sun
:There's still so many enemies and battles yet to fight
:For Lemmiwinks the Gerbil King to be told another night
:Lemmi, Lemmi, Lemmiwinks
:Lem, Lemmiwinks
:Lemmiwinks, Lem, Lemmi, Lemmiwinks
:Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Gerbil King!
Trivia- During the first half of the 8th season of South Park a commercial aired stating that "The greatest South Park character of all time would return... LEMMIWINKS!" An episode with Lemmiwinks did not appear in the second half of the 8th season, although episode 812 ended with Paris Hilton in Mr.Slave's rectum meeting the Frog King.
- A Pittsburgh based Ska Punk band is named "The Lemmiwinks".
- At the beginning of episode 802 "AWESOM-O", a message is read stating, "Due to this week's tragic events in hawaii the "lemmiwinks" episode of South Park will not be shown tonight. Instead we present the all new and slighty better episode, AWESOM-O."
- The Lemmiwinks episode is a parody of the critically-derided Rankin-Bass made-for-television animated films of Tolkien's The Hobbit and The Return of the King. The music is particularly similiar to the Glenn Yarbrough songs that infest the latter, and the Lemmiwinks lyrics serve as a pretty biting satire of Yarbrough's lyrics.
- Lemmiwinks was canonized as a Saint by a Discordian sect bearing his name, the "St. Lemmiwinks Cabal of the Discordian Society."
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